Erotic humiliation seems like a strange concept. What’s horny about embarrassing yourself or being made fun of? Why would anyone enjoy something that’s meant to make them feel small, pathetic or stupid?

One answer is that being humiliated can be a very intimate and intense experience. For someone to humiliate you, they need to know you well. They need to know what makes you feel vulnerable, and to be able to bring that into the light. 

I personally have a huge humiliation kink. It is the foundation of my submissiveness – the first building block that all my other kinks are stacked on top of. Without some level of humiliation, the appeal of other kinky activities – discipline, pet play and bimbofication, for example – lose their spark.

If you are curious about erotic humiliation but don’t know where to start, or even what it is exactly, I’m going to try to explain.

What is erotic humiliation?

In simple terms, erotic humiliation is seeking to embarrass someone to sexually arouse them. It is psychological in nature, although often employs physical techniques (which I’ll go into later). If you get sexual pleasure from embarrassing someone, or from being embarrassed yourself, you are partaking in erotic humiliation.

What are the different types of erotic humiliation?

I like to break erotic humiliation down into three related areas: embarrassment, humiliation and degradation. Some might see these as a sliding scale of intensity, with degradation being the most extreme form of humiliation. Depending on the person, any one of these things can be as stimulating as another.

These are my own and understandings of humiliation. There are lots of other ideas out there, some of which you can find at the end of this blog.

Embarrassment

Embarrassment is something everyone has experienced. Walking the wrong way and then having to turn back and pass all the same people can feel embarrassing. So can finding out that you had a ketchup stain on your shirt all day, or being asked a question you don’t know the answer to.

In themselves, these might not seem like much. It might also sound funny to relate ketchup stains to sexual arousal. But if you take that example and run with it, you might end up with an exchange that goes something like this:

Me: What are you looking at?
You: The mess you’ve made of yourself. Did you know you were walking around in dirty clothes all day? How I’m supposed to take you anywhere, when you don’t even know how to eat or dress yourself properly? What a stupid little girl you are.

And voila; you now have a suitably horny submissive on your hands.

An embarrassment kink is taking a person’s own mistakes – or things that they might perceive as mistakes – and drawing attention to them. It is often lighthearted and teasing, but can sometimes feel even more personal than degrading someone. You aren’t creating scenarios in which to embarrass your sub – you are using their own actions against them.

Humiliation

Humiliation itself is different to embarrassment, in that it is caused by someone else. If someone trips you up as you walk by, that person is likely trying to humiliate you. Likewise if someone sticks a piece of paper to your back saying ‘I am a massive slut’…well. You get the idea.

If you are exploring power dynamics in a relationship, you might use your position as a Dom to humiliate your partner (consensually, of course). Let’s take the ketchup example from before, but this time, instead of waiting for your sub to spill it themselves, you grab the bottle and empty it onto their shirt. Then you tell them how nasty they are and don’t let them change their clothes all day. That is humiliation.

Degradation

Although degradation and humiliation fall under the same umbrella, their intentions are not the same. Humiliation happens when you create a situation to embarrass your sub – you learn what will make them blush and use that to your advantage.

Degradation isn’t interested in what makes your sub blush, because it isn’t interested in acknowledging your sub’s interior life or their feelings. It isn’t interested in acknowledging your sub as a person, at all. 

Let’s talk about ketchup for the third (and definitely last) time. In this scenario, where you are degrading your submissive, you empty the bottle onto the floor. Then you push their head down, tell them that all they are is a wet tongue, and force them to lick it up. 

Degradation is an interesting kink because it can result in many different states of mind. One person might find it mortifying to be treated like an object, while another might find it freeing.

With everything I’ve mentioned so far, it’s important to find out what appeals to your sub about erotic humiliation. Learn which feelings they are striving for before you begin exploring.

How can I bring humiliation into my D/s dynamic?

If you’ve read this far, you might be wondering if I have an idea about how to erotically humiliate someone that doesn’t involve condiments. And of course I do – because I am a very naughty girl who is constantly embarrassing herself in one way or other. 

Here are some forms of what I think of as ‘classic humiliation’:

Verbal humiliation

Verbal humiliation is a great way to get into humiliation play. You don’t need anything but your brain, your voice and a partner with a weakness for certain words and ideas. 

Despite arguably being the most simple form of humiliation, verbal humiliation play can feel intimidating and difficult when starting out. One way to practise humiliating dirty talk is to describe what it is you are doing to your partner, or are about to do to them. Pepper this with name-calling (check your sub for triggers and turn-offs first!) and remember to draw attention to things that make them squirm.

My personal favourite form of verbal humiliation is being patronised. Talk down to your sub as if they are much smaller and stupider than you – then make them repeat the words back. Verbal play doesn’t have to only involve you talking; make them do some of the work too, and the effect can be even greater. If your partner is anything like me, they might struggle to speak when in subspace – so then you can make fun of how useless they are!

Objectification & dehumanisation

There are many, many ways to objectify a submissive – some might turn them on hugely and some might not do anything for them at all. If your sub enjoys being objectified, talk to them to find out exactly what the appeal is. Do they want to turn their brain off completely and be treated as an inanimate object? Do they want to be reduced to nothing but a sex toy? Or do they want to keep some level of autonomy and expression of personality by being treated like an animal?

I like all these things but have a particular fondness for pet play, and being made to behave like a puppy. I enjoy how easily this can incorporate verbal humiliation and how it makes me less than human, but still able to interact with my partner.

Public humiliation

Public humiliation is appealing for a lot of people but it is definitely not for the faint of heart. If you’re engaging in any sort of public play, make sure not to do anything illegal or to bring unwilling participants into your scene!

Surprisingly, you don’t need to take public humiliation very far to produce results. One example I have is when I went on a dinner date, and my partner made me open my mouth at the end of every course to check I had eaten everything. For such a small act, it left me feeling highly self-conscious and embarrassed. My Dom created an atmosphere where I was hyper aware of the other people around me – even though if anyone was to look over, they probably wouldn’t notice anything out of the ordinary.

My general advice with public humiliation is to start small and figure out how much you can achieve. This is also because your sub might enjoy feeling exposed, but hate the risk aspect of public play. I fall somewhere in this category, so I generally prefer more ‘extreme’ forms of public play to take place at fetish events and clubs. 

Cuckolding / cuckqueaning

Humiliation and cuckolding go hand in hand. There are other things that a cuck might enjoy about their role, like seeing their partner is having a good time, but humiliation is almost always the cornerstone.

There are different ways to cuck someone. If you are interested in exploring cuckolding or cuckqueaning, you could try:

• Making your partner watch you have sex with someone else (tie them up if you’re feeling extra mean)
• Using your partner as a fluffer – let them get you ready, then go to someone else for the ‘main event’
• Turning your partner into a clean up slut – after you’ve played with someone else, make your partner clean up after you both
• Shutting your partner in another room/blindfolding them so they know you’re having sex with someone else but they can’t watch

Feminisation / gender play, bimbofication & clothing

We live in a society where gender roles often play a big part in how we see ourselves and how others see us. So, taking these roles and subverting them can be a shortcut to creating humiliating experiences. A common example of this is sissification or feminisation. This typically involves forcing a man to wear women’s clothes and/or do traditionally feminine tasks with the aim of emasculating him. Of course, this doesn’t work on everyone – I know plenty of men who have no issue with wearing women’s clothes, and who in fact find it an emboldening form of self expression.

But, you can’t get away from the fact that most people grow up absorbing many ideas about what it ‘means’ to be a man or a woman. We are also often told that stepping outside of these norms means that we are failing in some way. I myself have struggled a lot with traditional expectations of what a girl or woman is ‘supposed’ to look like. This in turn has informed my interest in bimbofication, which I see as a type of gender play.

Finding out about your partner’s relationship with gender and societal expectations generally can prove fruitful for humiliation play. But, as always, bear in mind that gender can be a very personal and sensitive topic, and plenty will not be interested in mixing it with humiliation.

Other ideas

To stop myself from writing about this all day long, here is a quick list of some of the (many) other erotic humiliation scenarios I enjoy:

• Domestic service – making your sub do domestic tasks, perhaps while wearing a maid outfit
• Inspection – stripping your sub and closely inspecting their body, making them feel uncomfortably aware of themselves
• Bodily functions – a lot of people feel shame around their bodily functions and an experienced Dom can take advantage of this. Think human toilet, golden showers, forced panty wetting and bathroom control
• Chastity – taking away your sub’s control over their own sexual behaviour
• Age play / ABDL – a big favourite of mine that deserves its own blog post! 

How do I safely enjoy erotic humiliation?

Humiliation is a sensitive topic for many people and is considered a type of edge play. This is because things can quickly spiral from fun to traumatic, especially if you’re engaging with more extreme forms of humiliation or degradation. Knowing your partner’s boundaries is vital – make sure you know where they stand on certain ideas before diving in. Body-shaming, for example, is something that can be highly erotic for one person, and totally unacceptable for another.

Make sure that you’re engaging in humiliation play safely by:

• Talking openly with your partner about triggers, limits and boundaries. Know beforehand which types of humiliation are okay – if any!
• Having a safeword and a signal that you can use if speaking isn’t possible
• Checking in with your partner during play
• Providing appropriate aftercare
• Making sure before and after the scene that your sub understands how much you value and care for them
• Discussing the scene afterwards to highlight things that worked and things that didn’t

Where can I learn more about erotic humiliation?

Most of my ideas about erotic humiliation come from my personal experiences and other things I have read. If you are curious and want to learn more, I recommend the following:

• Enough to Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation by Princess Kali
• Kink Academy’s erotic humiliation series – also by Princess Kali
• In person & online workshops – you might be surprised at how many opportunities there are to go out into the world and learn about erotic humiliation! Check out websites like Pinky Promise Land and the monthly workshops ran at the London Alternative Market

Finally, you can always book a session with me and we can put things into practice!